It is time to SPARKLE Bitches! The experts say you gotta grab your audience from the get go. So, did it work? Are you reading? Fantastic!
I’m going to bypass introductions. Because your time is precious. So how the hell does one embrace their inner sparkle.
Let me tell you a little story about the cruel world of a 10X mirror. You know those mirrors that magnify things ten times the size they really are, what a marvel invention. Well, let’s just say this frapping thing is the anti-thesis of embracing your inner sparkle.
In fact, it is a weapon of mass destruction that can annihilate your inner sparkle in one sit-down session! Holy mother of all that is good! This contraption does not rank high on the self-esteem meter if you are over the age 30. Yes, I said THIRTY! It is so cruel! And its destruction gets worse and so much easier as you age.
So, I am going to describe a little theatrical vignette based on a tragic true story. One afternoon this forty-something woman was getting ready to attend an event where she knew no one. Of course, vanity came knocking, time to shape up those eyebrows girl. So, right there in her kitchen at the island because the lighting is better. Full of vim and vigor and anticipation of having a fun evening out. She grabs the 10x mirror from her bathroom. We shall call the mirror Evil Queen. She places Evil Queen in the best possible light because her forty-something eyesight is not as good as it used to be. And she sits in front of the Evil Queen eager to get ready to go out.
And BAM! As she peers into the Evil Queens face, there it is, in all its naked glory! Every effin crease, wrinkle, mole and CHIN HAIR exposed! What the hell?!! And in that moment the Evil Queen exacted such destruction! All self-esteem drained from this woman. What is she to do? She is supposed to leave in little over an hour. Does she allow the Evil Queen to steal her joy for exposing nothing but the magnified truth? HELL NO! She needs to Embrace her Inner Sparkle and shine like a marquee sign. So, she plucked all the hair that had no right being on her face and chin! Kept her mole exposed cuz its kinda sexy and stuck the Evil Queen into the deepest and darkest recesses of her linen closet.
Moral of the story? You decide, but whatever you do, make sure to remember to Embrace Your Inner Sparkle!
I choose to sparkle by:
Deaf Girl Amy